i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
