anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This baby is an asshole
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
