i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
