I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
