dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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