....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
