what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
