My nipple is on Facebook.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize