Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
