So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm at about main and main street
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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