When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
