Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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