im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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