I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
