dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
