I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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