you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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