I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
