Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
