When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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