It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
