smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
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I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
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I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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