I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
