just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
In other news, I just burned my penis
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
