i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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