How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my being single is dangerous.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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