They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So apparently I’m into choking now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
