Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  RUDE.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  outsmarted mickey deeeees

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  (248): do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions. (1-248): RUDE. (248): I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o. (1-248): outsmarted mickey deeeees http://tfl.nu/mqmo
  Replies (11) Good night (3137) Bad night (836)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.

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  (250): i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week. http://tfl.nu/bxis
  Replies (12) Good night (818) Bad night (1515)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex

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  (352): I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex http://tfl.nu/73ql
  Replies (13) Good night (896) Bad night (3987)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina

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  (808): guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina http://tfl.nu/joff
  Replies (17) Good night (876) Bad night (4669)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment

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  (608): we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment http://tfl.nu/hmt1
  Replies (17) Good night (1173) Bad night (4833)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....

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  (773): I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician.... http://tfl.nu/qln8
  Replies (14) Good night (1038) Bad night (3633)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo

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  (630): i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo http://tfl.nu/10yt
  Replies (5) Good night (2726) Bad night (1098)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill

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  (313): Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill http://tfl.nu/vbjy
  Replies (8) Good night (2781) Bad night (1159)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small

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  (513): Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small http://tfl.nu/dnf0
  Replies (6) Good night (1285) Bad night (1493)
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  (585): View more from New York

  If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed

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  (585): If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed http://tfl.nu/2pf8
  Replies (6) Good night (1824) Bad night (555)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.

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  (816): The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles. http://tfl.nu/r0bo
  Replies (4) Good night (369) Bad night (757)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.

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  (717): There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing. http://tfl.nu/cfbw
  Replies (5) Good night (893) Bad night (466)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.

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  (970): You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock. http://tfl.nu/iwwh
  Replies (2) Good night (1055) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.

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  (+61): The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night. http://tfl.nu/ec1i
  Replies (0) Good night (1004) Bad night (647)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.

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  (216): The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball. http://tfl.nu/jddm
  Replies (0) Good night (518) Bad night (280)

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