So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
