I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
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This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
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I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.