What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
