yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
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i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
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Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested