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have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
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