I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS