remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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