Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just pee around me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
