on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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