if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We had sex on a dog bed..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
