His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
