It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
