I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
