Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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