If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
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What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
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She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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