Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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