i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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