If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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