Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
