made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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