A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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