i already hear my dad disowning me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
