How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
