You don't have asthma, your pregnant
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
