You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she smelled like a LAN party
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
