We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
