I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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