Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
