I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
