whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
