When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
