ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
