Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
