I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
