i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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