I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
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He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize