Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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