So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
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no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
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I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.