exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
