How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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