I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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