Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??