If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
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Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit