**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me