I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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