I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
