This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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