someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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