FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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