Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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