my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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