Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
accomplished twins. life is a go
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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