So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize