is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
