there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
