Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
why is half of my head shaved?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
