Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
