There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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