just tell him i said nine months
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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