I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
